Love Is Like Wind

You never know where it goes. You can't put full trust either. It's somehow poetic. You have to make sacrifices to feel it, but you don't know whether you'll get the same treatment. You will never be understood. They would thought different than you. They never knew what you meant, you just don't know how to tell them, expose your actual notion. And then you get blamed, and you get hit. You stay, do nothing, because you don't know what to do, what to say else. They will never understand you, instead, they put blames on you, and you receive them, and let go.

Strength

You just have to admit, there are things that are placed deeply in yourself, in your heart, in your thoughts, in your very soul that you can't share with anybody in this world. They wouldn't understand. They'll mock you so low instead. You'll stay flat on the ground and people will keep on crushing you with their feet. You will not expect this because it will come from your closest ones. They will hurt you so much. And you will need strength to get up, just when you really feel like getting up. I attempted a suicide. Just choked myself so bad. I really wish that I will die tonight. Please, god, why am I borned. I make mistakes in this world and I hurt people's feelings, and I get hurt all the time. I rather be dead. This must be a mistake. I don't trust any of these anymore. I hate love so much when it should give me strength. I need you, Allah.

Claustrophobia

We've made our way through these obstacles for a very long time. Nothing else could shut us down. But eventually, there is, and that's, us. Or one of us, me. I've been such a disaster to this relationship. I've  caused a lot of problems, troubles, you name it. It's really not your fault baby. If you care to see, to observe, you can see where is this leading you to. You might have missed a fortune, a very bright future with another, all because of me. You claimed that I would make such small things become big, as if they're something to be talked everywhere. I agree. I have such bad attitudes that no one could handle with. I have a very bad temper, and sulk whatever the matter is. I'm so sorry. I don't really know what to do now. You might have thought that this is the end. You might have thought that there are a lot more guys who can treat you way better than I did. I admit I have been such an asshole to you. I'm really sorry sayang, forgive me. I'm really sorry. I love you.

Emergency

I think we have an emergency,
I think we have an emergency,
If you thought I'd leave then you were wrong,
Cause I won't stop holding on,
So are you listening?
So are you watching me?
If you thought I'd leave,then you were wrong,
Cause I won't stop holding on,
This is an emergency,
So are you listening?
And I can't pretend that I don't see this,
It's really not your fault,
When no one cares to talk about it,
Cause I've seen love die,way too many times,when it deserved to be alive,
I've seen you cry,way too many times,when you deserved to be alive,
Alive,
So you give up every chance you get,
Just to feel new again,
I think we have an emergency,
I think we have an emergency,
And you do your best to show me love,
But you don't know what love is,
So are you listening?
So are you watching me?
Well I can't pretend that I don't see this,
It's really not your fault,
When no one cares to talk about it,
Cause I've seen love die,way too many times,when it deserved to be alive,
I've seen you cry way too many times,when you deserved to be alive,
Scars,they will not fade away,
No one cares to talk about it,
Cause I've seen love die,way too many times,when it deserved to be alive,
I've seen you cry,way too many times,when you deserved to be alive,
Alive.
                                                                                                                                  28th July 2010
                                  

Vision Board

Everybody needs an objective to live for including plants and animals.Objectives define that person whether it is a he or she,has a purpose for living in this world.If you are stupid enough to not have any objectives in your life,it's okay because it's never too late for you to start even you're an old man.Some random thoughts hit me today and one of them is about this topic.For nearly 3 years now,I have finally found out my true objectives in this world.Mainly there are five but I'm not going to tell you since it is private.I put these 5 objectives on something that you can be reminded of and see everyday and I call it 'My Vision Board'.I got this idea after reading 'The Secret' book by Rhonda Byrne.I decided to give this life multiple purposes and strive for ominous happiness forever after.I BELIEVE that I can do it and I trust that every thought that I'm in control of influences my actions and my future.

Civil Engineer

Currently there are 5 courses offered here at UNITEN.Electrical engineering,mechanical engineering,civil engineering,information and technology (IT) and computer science.Among these five,which one do you think is better?I made researches recently and I found out that civil engineers are the highest paying jobs that is available out there but that is not really my intention.Since my major interest and ambition is to be rich!(hehe)...so I thought of starting my own firm or company later on.In a nutshell,I've chosen to be a civil engineer!Hamdan Mohamad,Executive Director,President and Chief Executive of Ranhill Berhad is one of the 40 richest people in Malaysia and believe it or not,he was a civil engineer!He built his own company,Ranhill Berhad by working for a company at Australia to gain experience and valuable knowledge first before he decided to crack his old job and take a big step forward by turning his skills into a biz.Now,he is worth for more than $140 million.This eventually convinced me more to achieve my vision thus getting the kind of life that I've been wanting for!People says studying in civil engineering course is tough and difficult to carry on but I don't really care about that.Like what Nike says,'Just Do It'.

Home Alone At UNITEN

I've been at CFS IIUM for a month and truthfully,I felt so different to leave for UNITEN.The place here is better,can't deny that.I mean,come on,I've been there for a month!Getting friends along,everything is settling down so fine and suddenly I have to repeat it all again.Now I'm here in room A2-04-09 alone with no friends because there aren't any other people coming in yet.The environment is totally the opposite unlike at CFS IIUM.The people here don't connect to each other much.Everybody is doing their own thing as if they got no time to spend making relationships with other people.I miss my friends at CFS IIUM.Wish could bring them here and continue the journey together.I'm not trying to be emotional or what,just,when it comes to friendships,it really is that important.